AI saves mankind and other stories definitely not brought to you by robots

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

A cheerful — though possibly redundant — note to start off this week’s column: Democracy is in danger.

The Democracy Index published last month showed that after the super year of elections in 2024, constitutional standards are declining, as executive, legislative and judiciary powers all around the world become more unstable, or corrupt.

But we still had the fourth estate, the last democratic pillar, keeping us all afloat. And it will save mankind eventually, right? (Forgive the hubris here; it’s a required personality trait to get a job as a member of said fourth power — newsrooms are not entirely filled with god-complexed characters, we promise.)

Well, not for long.

Enter: Italy’s daily newspaper and media outlet playing with moral fire at the worst possible moment in history, Il Foglio.

The broadsheet announced Tuesday that it would run a little experiment for the next four weeks: It will be the first publication in the world to issue a newspaper edition entirely written by AI.

Because if there’s ever a good time to explore dangerous, innovative tools whose impacts on society and humanity as we know it we still don’t really understand, that’s definitely now.

As their editorial letter puts it, technology will be used “for the copy, the headlines, the excerpts, the quotes, the summaries. And sometimes even for the irony.” And that’s where Declassified draws the line.

It’s one thing to try to get rid of journalists who have actual reporting skills, who produce investigations for the public good on a daily basis and who know what their readers need to know. But irony? That can never be replaced. What’s next, AI humor columns? (Note to eds: Please don’t get any ideas.)

“We journalists will just ask the questions, and artificial intelligence will give us the answers” Foglio’s Editor-in-chief Claudio Cerasa explained in what seems to be an anachronistic bout of optimism.

But reading the articles published online can raise even more questions, particularly about style consistencies and grammar. For instance, why is a 10-point listicle published in a non-list format? And why is AI spelled “IA” in the copy but “AI” in the headlines? Color us confused.

Ultimately, the stories produced with (by? Thanks to?) AI are not particularly revolutionary. But they do prove one thing: What these bots really need is a good copy editor.

CAPTION COMPETITION

“Thinking of how far Donald and I have come really makes me emotional.”

Can you do better? Email us at gpoloni@politico.eu or get in touch on X @POLITICOEurope.

Last week we gave you this photo:

Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag — there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze.

“We’re off to see the vizard, the vonderful vizard of EU.”
by Frederic Myers