Angela Merkel’s little book of calm

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

Pour yourself a glass of something chilled, put your feet up, and prepare to dive into a book by one of the great European leaders; someone who generates respect and even a little fear among even her fiercest rivals. And after you’ve read Liz Truss’ masterpiece, there’s an Angela Merkel book on its way!

Merkel’s long-awaited memoirs will come out in November. Despite repeated requests from this writer, it is not called “Angela’s Ashes: How I Burned My Political Rivals.” Rather, its title will be “Freedom: Memories 1954-2021”, which if you drop the dates sounds less like a political tome and more like a compilation album of b-sides and rarities by a post-punk band.

The book is a whopping 700 pages long. It will, according to a statement from the publishers, answer the question: “What does freedom mean to me?”

“Freedom, for me, is finding out where my own limits are and pushing myself to those limits,” she says. “Freedom, for me, is to never stop learning, to never stand still, to continue moving forward.” I think I also read that inside a greetings card.

Looking forward to her follow-up book: “Angela Merkel: Live, Laugh, Love.”

Speaking of freedom, U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken has been in Kyiv and took time out from diplomacy to join a band on stage in a basement bar in Kyiv. Strapping on a guitar, Blinken joined in on a version of Neil Young’s classic “Rockin’ in the Free World.”

Before he began playing, Blinken told the audience: “You need to know, the United States is with you, so much of the world is with you and they’re fighting, not just for a free Ukraine, but for the free world. And the free world is with you, too.” American folk music hero Woody Guthrie had “this machine kills fascists” written on his guitar, so perhaps Blinken was testing to see if sending Ukrainian soldiers a bunch of musical instruments might be more effective than tanks and bullets.

According to the Guardian, the Kyiv band — named 19.99 — were told before the gig that they would be performing with Young himself, and it was only at the last minute that they realized their guest member would be the U.S. secretary of state, which must have been a crushing disappointment.

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Can you do better? Email pdallison@politico.eu or on Twitter/X @pdallisonesque

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Paul Dallison is POLITICO’s deputy EU editor.