Naked airports for Italians and bins for Americans

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

Great news for those who have enough cash to access the lounge at the airport but wish that there were fewer free copies of the FT and more strippers!

Yes, the Italian government wants to rename the airport in Milan after Silvio Berlusconi, a man whose face Donald Trump once looked at and said “that’s the color for me.”

Naming airports and indeed other buildings after famous politicians is clearly a great idea (rumors that there was once a plan to rename every bar with a 1 kilometer radius of the European Commission’s Berlaymont HQ as “The Juncker” were unconfirmed at the time of going to press) and it’s something of a surprise that Berlusconi didn’t try and name an airport after himself when he was prime minister (and, er, alive).

That said, not everyone is happy about the “Bunga Bunga Airport” news. “Why the airport? In my opinion, it doesn’t do it justice. Why not dedicate him a massage center with a happy ending?” Greta Cogotti, vice president of the city council of Biella — some 70 kilometers from the airport — and a member of the opposition Democratic Party, wrote in a post on Facebook.

It’s been a year since suggestions that the mansion near Milan that belonged to Berlusconi should be transformed into a museum dedicated to the controversial three-time Italian prime minister and Finnish food enthusiast.

It’s all gone quiet on the “How Old Is She? Museum” plan. Anyway, quite what would be on display (and whether Viagra would be interested in a sponsorship deal) was never revealed. The 70-room mansion reportedly had a lot of portraits of Berlusconi himself, which presumably took pride of place over the Rembrandt and Titian artworks.

Meanwhile, if (when?) Trump becomes U.S. president again, he’s sure to name an airport after himself, After all, JFK, the dumber of the George Bushes and the Clintons already have airports named in their honor. And who wouldn’t want to fly into into “Donald J. Trump Airport (which is THE BEST AIRPORT)” in Palm Beach, Florida. The only restaurants would be McDonald’s and the entire building would be made out of gold (just like in Turkmenistan).

Americans have airports named after famous people and now, praise be, they are getting rubbish bins (or trash cans, if you prefer).

The mayor of New York, Eric Adams, this week said “Welcome to our trash revolution” as he unveiled the latest in garbage technology: an, er, wheelie bin. The next time someone tells you how great America is (or maybe has that written on a hat), remember that they needed a press conference to announce bins!

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“It was great to see you, Volodymyr. Now, do you know the fastest route to Moscow?”

Can you do better? Email pdallison@politico.eu or on Twitter/X @pdallisonesque

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Paul Dallison is POLITICO’s deputy EU editor.