The ultimate POLITICO Christmas gift guide for the cheesiest political swag

The holidays are a time for family, friends, and of course … politics at the dinner table.

Here are the best/weirdest Christmas gifts POLITICO managed to scrounge up for that conservative aunt, the environmentally conscious cousin or that one die-hard Brussels-bubble-fanatic friend.

Tis the season!

Keir Starmer flip-flops: The gift that keeps on giving (and flipping)

In the political arena, consistency is often a prized virtue. But Keir Starmer, leader of the Labour Party in the United Kingdom, is something of a master of the flip-flop — most recently, on Margaret Thatcher.  

This Christmas, why not embrace that political agility and get a pair of Keir Starmer flip-flops? Just like the political leader himself, the flip-flops are adaptable to various environments. Whether for heading to a warm destination over the winter holidays or being worn in the cozy warmth of one’s own home, this versatile piece of footwear will pad any feet from the harsh floor. Sold on the Conservatives’ website, obviously.

Rating:

Verdict: Top-notch wry British humor.

Greg Hands MP, Chairman of the Conservative Party holds up some flip-flops with the image of Labour leader Keir Starmer | Ian Forsyth/Getty Images

Marine Le Pen’s pétanque set: To spark joy (or frustration) at your family gatherings

Get the Christmas party started with these traditional pétanque balls from Marine Le Pen’s far-right National Rally. The set includes three shiny steel balls and a carry-bag emblazoned with the motto: “French, wake up!”

It’s the ideal gift for your grumpy right-wing grandpa who, despite his back pain and the cold weather, won’t give up his favorite afternoon activity with the neighborhood clique. Just don’t be surprised if he starts talking about Frexit or suggesting we build a wall around France.

Rating:

Verdict: The heavy steel makes these balls frightening but also effective — just like the party’s ideology.

United Ireland Christmas jumper: Getting the most ardent unionist in a festive mood

For all fans of ugly Christmas sweaters, here’s the ultimate piece to add to the collection: the Ireland United jumper.

Whether you have a dedicated Irish Republican in your life or you’re just looking to spark heated conversations at the next Christmas party, this sweatshirt sold by the Sinn Féin Bookshop will do the trick. On it, the words “All I want for Christmas is a United Ireland” appear in a playful cursive font above a gift-wrapped Ireland without borders.

Rating:

Verdict: Cheerful, but mighty ugly.

An exclusively Italian Christmas: The Matteo Salvini Christmas T-shirt

For your Italian “I’m not racist because I have a Black friend” brother-in-law: The Matteo Salvini Christmas T-shirt.

An illustration depicts the Italian firebrand dressed as Santa Claus on top of a bulldozer instead of a sleigh — as the symbol of a politician who gets things done — along with the slogan “Merry Christmas only to the Italians.”

This T-shirt is available on Amazon in Italy in five different colors — but only for men.

Tip: If you’re a real supporter of tradition, you should get it in green, as that’s the historical color of Salvini’s far-right League party.

Rating:

Verdict: Low-quality fabric, but the image is original and the statement boldly jingoistic.

CSU hot-water bottle: A winter must-have to warm even the coldest heart

Seeking that perfect present for your German grandma who loves traditional values? Look no further! This fuzzy hot water bottle with the logo of the center-right Christian Social Union (CSU) will surely bring a smile to any Bavarian political aficionado.

Whether cozying up on the couch, curled up in bed or sipping a warm mug of Glühwein, the CSU Wärmeflasche will keep the user toasty while sending a sardonic message to those who don’t share the same political views.

Rating:

Verdict: Cozy and definitely practical, this embodies the things Germans do best.

CSU hot-water bottle: A winter must-have to warm even the coldest heart | CHristof Stache/AFP via Getty Images

SPD handkerchiefs: To cheer up the few party members left

Another example of German practicality, but this time for supporters on the center-left of the political spectrum. These soft, absorbent handkerchiefs with the slogan “Don’t cry, vote!” soak up tears and could inspire your Social Democratic Party (SPD) friends to get their party back up in the polls.

Whether used while marching in a protest outdoors on a cold Central European day or during dismay over difficult and confusing political times, these handkerchiefs will help maintain social composure while blowing your nose.

Rating:

Verdict: German humor that’s actually funny.

EU Christmas bauble

Impress your mother-in-law with an elegant, dark-blue Christmas bauble displaying the 12 EU stars in gold.

It’s also the perfect reminder for your Brussels colleagues and friends who — even during the holidays — can’t stop thinking about trilogues, European Council conclusions, the latest Commission proposals or next year’s EU election. Presumably made of glass, not plastic — and kept safe in a sustainable cardboard box.

Rating:

Verdict: An elegant gift to influence those Euroskeptics out there.

The EU rubber ducky: Never bathe alone again!

If Christmas trees aren’t your thing but you still want to show off your Brussels-lovin’ creds, the EU bath duck might fit the bill. Enough said.

Rating:

Verdict: Doesn’t scream Christmas, but who are we to judge?

EU onesie: For the next generation of Europhiles

Why not indoctrinate your friends’ babies from a young age with this cute EU baby suit?

This gift idea is perfect year-round — and would also work for dressing up baby Jesus in your local nativity scene.

Rating:

Verdict: A thoughtful EU gift, though may not get many takers in light of ongoing population decline on the Continent.