Trump Is Losing Every One Of His Sh*ts Over Guilty Verdict

The jury reached its verdict Thursday in Donald Trump's hush money/election interference criminal trial, and they determined that the adulterous beauty pageant barker is guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, and guilty. Trump is now a felon after being found guilty on all 34 charges.

Trump's last post on Truth Social in a series reads, "VICTORY ON NOVEMBER 5TH. SAVE AMERICA!!!" with his supporters vigorously posting memes right behind him as if that will help a multiply convicted felon. It won't. What Trump meant in his post is, 'Please elect me. I'm going to prison, and I'm scared. Help me!"

Fuck you, Lumpy. So, of course, the usual grifty email was launched not more than 10 minutes after the verdicts.

"BREAKING FROM TRUMP: I AM A POLITICAL PRISONER!" it reads. "Conover: Is this the end of America? I was just convicted in a RIGGED political Witch Hunt trial: I DID NOTHING WRONG!"

"They've raided my home, arrested me, took my mugshot, AND NOW THEY'VE JUST CONVICTED ME!" he continued. "But with your support at this moment in history, WE WILL WIN BACK THE WHITE HOUSE AND MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!"

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