What happens if you are too far-right for the far right?

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

It took its sweet time — but the European Union election has finally become (somewhat) interesting!

For that we have to thank Maximilian Krah, a German member of the European Parliament who’s so far to the right you can barely see him with the naked eye (and who has a suitably far-right haircut).

He’s been the Bond villain of this election, sitting in an underground lair stroking a cat before pushing a hidden button and sending his enemies hurtling downward into a swimming pool with a shark in it (probably). Krah has also been “on tour,” driving around in a sports car accompanied by women wearing dirndls and waving flags as he campaigns for a seat in the European Parliament election of 1979.

Krah, you may recall, also had his office raided because an assistant has been accused of spying for China.

And, speaking to the Italian daily La Repubblica, Krah said he would “never say that anyone who wore an SS uniform was automatically a criminal.” That’s a reference to German novelist Günter Grass, who admitted late in his life to having joined the Waffen-SS — the combat branch of the Nazi Party’s Schutzstaffel paramilitary — as a teenager.

So toxic has Krah become that even France’s National Rally and the Danish People’s Party — both fellow members of the Identity and Democracy (ID) group in the European Parliament — tried to distance themselves from him. And on Thursday, ID voted to kick out not just Krah but the entire AfD delegation.

That means they are too far-right for the far right! POLITICO’s style guide (for words, not dress sense) will have to be burned and instead of writing “far right,” we’ll have to use the angry face emoji.

Now the ID group has split, maybe Krah will have to go and sit like a naughty child with the nonaligned MEPs, making obscene gestures and fart noises from the edges of the Parliament’s hemicycle.

Also, Krah announced on Wednesday that he was going to put the car (and perhaps even the women in dirndls and their flags) back in the garage and stop campaigning. But he was the only one in all of Europe making an effort!

Meanwhile in Italy, thieves broke into the Rome house of Matteo Salvini, leader of the League and lover of ambitious (some would say foolhardy) bridge projects. No one was home, thankfully, but it’s worth noting because the League’s slogan in the EU election is “To defend the homes and cars of Italians.”

CAPTION COMPETITION

“I bloody love the football, me. Just an ordinary bloke watching the soccer. Which one’s my team?”

Can you do better? Email pdallison@politico.eu or on Twitter/X @pdallisonesque

Last time we gave you this photo:

Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag — there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze.

“This young moron is trying to make me look shorter than I already am,” by Gustavo Szulansky

Public service announcement: We’ve got a new weekly quiz about the EU election for you to try every Friday (after you’ve read this column, obvs).

Paul Dallison is POLITICO’s deputy EU editor.