Where the EU’s political tribes should go on holiday

3 months ago 32

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It’s officially summertime in Brussels, which means one thing: The city’s EU Quarter is empty.

As eurocrats and politicos flee the Belgian capital, POLITICO worked out (in a totally unscientific way) the most appropriate vacation destinations depending on your political leanings.

New far-right MEP looking to meet like-minded souls

The far right made major gains at the European Parliament election in June. If you’re a member of the newly minted Patriots for Europe or Europe of Sovereign Nations groups, what better way to celebrate than by vacationing on the Côte d’Azur (French Riviera), with its palm-lined beaches, laid-back atmosphere and longstanding — and increasing — levels of support for the National Rally?

If the glitzy resort towns of Cannes and Saint-Tropez are out of your budget, why not head to the Croatian coast, a favorite of Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán? (A bearded, T-shirt-clad, decidedly chill-looking Orbán was photographed on the island of Brač in the summer of 2022 and spotted with a fan on another island, Vis, this month.)

How to get there: The French Riviera is a little under two hours by plane from Brussels or about a 12-hour drive if you’d like to follow the lead of Czech MEP and Patriots member Filip Turek, who has already driven his 1984 Rolls-Royce from Prague to Brussels and Strasbourg — ostensibly to give the middle finger to the European Union’s carbon-conscious policies. The Croatian coastal city of Split is also around a two-hour flight from Brussels, with the surrounding islands reachable by ferry.

Unscrupulous Socialist MEP

Remember former Socialists & Democrats MEPs Pier Antonio Panzeri and Eva Kaili’s, ahem, affinity for the likes of Morocco and Qatar? Why not honor their legacy this summer by flying to an exotic destination where you can ride a camel and get lost in the desert?

Whether you are into adventurous excursions in the sand or not, we promise that you won’t get bored! Between Qatar’s fascinating modern architecture and Morocco’s UNESCO heritage sites, both countries have a lot to offer as holiday destinations.

How to get there: Ryanair offers cheap flights to Morocco’s main cities, but you will have to go from Charleroi — not fancy, but it will allow you to travel under the radar. If your destination of choice is Qatar, Qatar Airways offers direct flights from Brussels Airport. It might be a bit more complicated to avoid attention, but you will be flying with class.

(Almost any other) Socialist

Not everyone can afford (or wants) to go to Qatar. As there are fewer Socialist-run countries on Europe’s political map these days, how about heading to Spain (run by Europe’s Ken, Pedro Sánchez)?

Spain has passed many laws you would probably appreciate, like raising the minimum wage and implementing paid menstrual leave. Supporting tourism in a country whose policies don’t make you throw up is certainly a plus and Barcelona has historically been a holiday destination for young leftist expats. We hear they’ve been extra welcoming recently.

*None of the above applies if you are a Catalan MEP in exile.

How to get there: There’s always Ryanair. Take a cheap 2-hour flight to Barcelona from Charleroi (the Barcelona of Wallonia, as no one has ever called it).

Green lobbyist flying the flag for climate policies

Brussels is handily located just a short flight from most major cities in Europe. But if you’re an eco-conscious lobbyist, you’ll likely be skipping carbon-spewing air travel and taking advantage of Europe’s sprawling, more environmentally friendly rail network.

Amsterdam, the charming, bicycle-happy Dutch capital, can be reached by train in a couple of hours, slightly longer than it takes to watch “An Inconvenient Truth.” Or if you’re feeling like going somewhere a little farther afield, why not Copenhagen? The Danish capital is one of the world’s most sustainable cities, with over 500 kilometers of cycling paths and an abundance of green spaces.

How to get there: Amsterdam is two hours from Brussels on the train. Copenhagen is 12 hours by train with a couple of changes in Germany (or — look away now! — a 90-minute flight).

Trainee with uncertain job prospects

Your internship in Brussels has just ended, you have no prospect of future employment in sight and you are broke. However, heading back to your home country would signal defeat.

The best option is to stick around in Brussels a little longer and do everything in your power to finally get what you deserve: Become an EU functionaire.

The weather will probably be depressing — either too rainy or too hot and humid — and you will get annoyed at social media posts from your pals chilling on the pristine beaches of Southern Europe and enjoying copious Aperol Spritzes.

However, you too can make people jealous by posting photos from the Atomium or Flagey. And when you are not busy studying for exams, sending out CVs and scheduling random coffees with basically anyone in the EU bubble, you can still head to the Belgian coast or visit the College of Europe in Bruges.

How to get there: Bruges and the beach town of Ostend are only one-hour train rides away from Brussels. Tickets are cheaper if you are under 26.

Centrist dad of all (er, centrist) political persuasions

“Welcome to the hot centrist dad summer” proclaimed British GQ before waxing lyrical about Keir Starmer and Gareth Southgate. The perfect holiday destination for European centrist dads has to be Switzerland, which has ideal weather for a few light lagers, sightseeing in the cities, or hiking in the mountains.

There’s plenty of chocolate, which is definitely worse/better/the same as that in Belgium (delete as appropriate) and you can enjoy a little luxury on the high streets of Geneva or Zurich (as long as you don’t buy anything! There are limits even for those on an EU salary).

How to get there: In your hatchback, of course! But if you prefer to keep it in the garage, Easyjet to Geneva is a good option. Then you can grab a convertible at the first branch of Budget car rental and hit the highway!